Guest post: monkey no more

Enjoy a new guest post from the totally rockin’, newly fur free Steve! –ProductWhore

A few months ago I went out with my musclehead friends who originally convinced me to start taking steroids. I wore a tight T-shirt so I could show off my newly sculpted physique. Yes, I admit I wanted other guys to check me out, but in a manly way really. Like showing off your new Mustang with a 950 horsepower turbo charged whatchamagigger engine or what ever it is real guys show off to each other. My friend Scott did indeed take notice.

“Hey man, you’re looking pretty good.” he said, “You need to do something about that hair though.” Dumbfounded I looked at my arms and realized they were now covered with a light coat of fur. Worst of all, my hands were now monkey paws! I asked what could be done. He recommended getting a goatee trimmer. “Trust me dude, everything looks better without body hair.” he told me. This conversation seemed perfectly natural at the time.

Although I was now effectively self conscious about my caveman arms, the weather cooled down and long sleeves hid my shame. It wasn’t till I realized that steroid induced hair growth was not confined to my arms, that I decided to take action. I was drying off after a shower, when I noticed my little forest below had mutated into a sprawling jungle reaching all the way up to my belly button. Dismayed, I showed my girlfriend. “Oh, you have a happy trail!” she said. A happy trail?? Why would anyone be happy about having Bigfoot belly? This was the last straw.

I went to Wal-Mart in search of a goatee trimmer. Apparently they are a hot item because they were locked behind a glass case. I asked a blue vest to unlock it, praying she wouldn’t ask why my bald chin needed a goatee trimmer. Thankfully she didn’t and I quickly reviewed my options. The selection ranged from a small battery operated $10 model up to an $80 weedwacker. I went with the $10 goatee trimmer by ConAir.

I can’t say how the ConAir would work as goatee trimmer, but as for removing hair everywhere else, it is quite effective. Turn trimmer on, hair comes off. I started with my hobbit hands, moved on to my arms, and then my chest, before tackling the happy trail and the amazon below. The whole process was quick and painless. The only mild drawback was being covered in stubble which is a truly odd sensation. A small price to pay though for a non-neanderthal look

I did not trim everything though. When I got to my legs, I stopped. That is where I draw the line. I mean seriously, what real man would shave his legs? I will wait until shorts season for that.

(Conair goatee trimmer review)